Yep, as I mentioned several times before, people change, I changed a lot and apparently it won't stop!
You know that feeling, when you have a lot of bad thoughts, you don't know what to do with your life,oryou re just bored and it makes you feel sad or uneasy or just booooored. Well yes, since my early ages as a child, and still...this sh*t happens! All thetime! You know what's the best way to 'cure' yourself out? Distract your attention! I HAVE to do it all the time! Thats where my multitasking comes from.... But watching/ doing something interesting, something what makes you feel happy or at leas not being bored is an amazing way to spend some time.
Let's give an example:
When I was a child I was bullied... It felt awful... and then I found anime and cartoons! It was this amazing world what I entered every time I watched it! And it turned out, that I had a very rich imagination, and even without watching it I could create my own world, and not just from anime but from every type of film/cartoon what I liked. It was an amazing experience at the time, it felt great as a little child. It was my safe place.
And I sort of grew out of it at the ae of 12, and shit happend again and again.... and then I found it again! Anime was there, and already, I found somebody else to share my interest with, she became mybest friend at that time. And I was happy again :)
Things changed people changed sharts happened... And here I am! Attracted to anime, music, stange fashion styles and cosplay and etc...... LOT OF STUFF !!!!! -.*
That world in my head still exist, but now I call it hallucinations of exhaustion XD. My imagination and these topics and stuff on the internet distract my attention, my mind and dealing with them makes me feel happy about my life. So don't worry if you like something what our rotten society maybe dislikes or deny to accept. Just be yourself, and do things what make you feel happy :)
These things change during your life, sometimes with fashion, sometimes with your age.... But what the hell happened to me? Gods's sake!!!! +,+ I freaked out a little bit when I realized how my interests changed and how they haven't changed....
Let me explain: I love all kind of music style, literally! From jazz to metal everything!!! Thats not a problem, and I disliked these mass product stuff like Avici and Guetta and these washing machine kindof so called music.... And then.... My friends listned to them all the time during our trip to Sopron and even on the streets when we went somewhere in a city, the music always played. And I realized, that its good rhythm and I danced a lot ... yup on the streets :D IT's sooooo not like me! It's no me at all!!! And I went to those parties,and this kind of musics played and I liked them and KABOOOOOOOOOOM mindf*ck..... What happened?
Looking back, I think I know the reason of this change: because I were with friends and I felt good and happy being there with them. The music was a background noise, but when I listen to them I sort of remember THAT feeling when we were at these parties at those places. ASSOCIATION!!!! MAgic! *.*
Nope, really just simple association.. Like, I listened to a very very good music, which was a jazz kindof cover of the original (it was 'All about that base'by the way) And I really hated the original one, and I wrote a comment that I prefer the cover and the original is crap. Literally with these words. And one of my friend got so angry, she didn't even talked to me and 2 days lated she ... broke up with me as friends. I thought it was this song, this exact opinion.... Later I asked and she told me that she hated my personality and my opinions and behaviour, but she never told me anything about it! Anything! But she told me, that, cuz I comforted her and loved her and I was always there for her, she felt good, and thats why she never told me anything. It felt awfull... Being a toy for a year or so .... I was sad and desperate and broken, I coldnt concentrate. Yup that was before the article "MY COMEBACK". I needed some time to recover.
Ugh sorry it got so sad .... The main point of this is that cover mucsic, which i was obsessed with!
I haven't listened to that song since this shart happened!!4 See? Association.
But one more funnier story to this topic :D I got girly! Atthis age.. oh mygods....
No no it's not association :D It's a simple f*ck up thing, what I don't really understand. I mean, i still like every not so girly stuff, (listen feminists, I'm just trying to explain my situation, before you get angry at me, I'm telling you, I'll just use this gendersepareted view ofour society even thogh I don't really agree with it. are we okay? good,then read along without anger :) #Worldpeace ) like Harley's choppers and rock music, and flanel shirts and violent games etc.... But my personality turned girly, and my classmates, my friends noticed. It statred at the end of this schoolyear...
Notification came from my good friend Rikki: our daily schedule always included a history consultation in the buffe or the library, since it was the end of the year, we were just chillin'n at the buffe. My style included some feminine clothes during the year, but high heels and tight jeans were common during winter. And as heatwawe came and summer started.. well.... my wardrobe is quite poor if it comes to fashionable summer clothing. Just short jeans and t-shirts. But literally thats it :D
I bought a long time ago a really girly piece, a bright yellow flowerish shirt kind of stuff. this colour doesn't match with my personality, and its quite unusual from me. AAAnd its tight and I had a sunburn, so it was a mistake X'D. The point is, that this was the part of the year when I started to change, and this clothing put the point on the i. And Rikki noticed it, and he said it doesn't suit me, it's not me. I was shocked , because I havent't realized this at that time.
I Became GIRLy -.- ...Yes I did! You can't believe how much I've changed! I was a pessimist/realist. I'm still a realist, but I'm more optimistic and I don't give up easily ;)
But back to this whole girly thing, Rikki's notification was the first punch in the face!
Second punch when I realized it myself, was a weird thing. I decided to make my long lost wish come true, and the anime One Piece came handy with one character who I will be cosplaying 11th of july Mondo Con! Keep updated for that ;) One little hint: it's pink :D... It's soooo pink, even I can't believe it. This is only one part of it being girly, but when I was standing with my boyfriend in the craftstore, serching for materials for this copslay, and I freakd out, cuz I couldn't find not just PINK but, and listen now carefully, GLiTTERY/SHIMERRY/GLISTENING material in the store.... I realized, at that exact moment, that I'm girly. And I hugged my friend while I freaked out, laughed almost crying. (BTW It turned out that kind of material wasn't necesarry ). But it was a turning point. And then I startedto work onthe cosplay, trying it on and I was fascinated and I still can't believe that I'm doing this, but it's sooo coool *.* And my fascination of my work and this whole thing, I strated to think about it more and more and i think I haven't accepted it completely, but I'm strating to realize that 'yes, I'm a girl, I'm a female, This is the way it should be! ' I guess.... And It makes me feel so happy doing this, so im gonna continue doing this and liking what I'm doing and living my life while accepting that things change :)
For the record, I didn't wrote this as a lecture, i'm not a life-style guru or something. I mean, I'm not even closed to that, really! But, if my example could help others or at least enetreain others, then I'm glad that I wrote it.
And don't worry, i'm still that sarcastic, egoist idiot with strong and harsh opinion as I've always been. And these stuff are just... some stuff which comes out when I feel like.
If you still reading, then let me know you, you are a really patient person! :D Just sayin, be proud who you are, be happy with your life <3 And feminism... well XD ... fuckit # Genderequality!
